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(Precious) Words of Wisdom : "Wall Street makes its money on ACTIVITY, you make your money on INACTIVITY." ~ Warren Buffett

The Most Absurd and Weird Queries On Investments

Last evening, I asked my wife to prepare Spicy Gulab Jamuns (my taste buds relish salt more, as compared to sugar) with Zero Calories (my eyes fixed on my rapidly ballooning waistline).

In return, I got a strange glare from her. And then, I was unceremoniously thrown out of the kitchen.

I wondered:

Why am I at the receiving end of such a rough treatment!

Of course, I am well aware that my request was completely absurd and nonsensical. Naturally... gulab jamuns are not supposed to be spicy; they are sweet. And, naturally... sweet will have its fair share of calories.

But then, as a Financial Chef, I too receive many such bizarre and outlandish questions on personal finance and investments... everyday.

'Tell me five stocks that will double in a year.'

'Which mutual funds will give the highest profits.'

'Where can I invest to earn 30-40% p.a. returns.'

'I want to earn maximum returns with zero risk and no tax.'

'How can I save tax, but without any lock-in and also get good returns.'

All financial advisers, including me, receive numerous such ridiculous requests.

Naturally... just as the "non-existent" spicy zero-calorie gulab jamuns, such investment products too do not exist. You are chasing a 'sure' illusion, if you are trying to do so.

... no one, not even God, knows which stocks or mutual funds will give maximum returns
... having 30-40% return expectation is a sure invitation to disaster 
... if you want safety, you will have to accept lower returns
... if you want tax benefit, you will have to accept long lock-in periods
... if you want high returns, you will have to accept some risk
... if you want high liquidity, you will have to compromise on the yield

Would you like to have some SPICY gulab jamuns with ZERO calories?

The day people accept this reality...
The day people realize that prediction is impossible... 
The day people accept that no single product will meet all the objectives... 
The day people accept that their demand is unreasonable and unrealistic (just as mine)... 
... would be the most transforming and liberating day in their financial lives.

... then they will approach their finances more rationally 
... then they will choose their investments more judiciously
... then they will become crorepatis and millionaires more surely
... then they will not fall victims to financial frauds and scams

So, I sincerely hope — of course, for your own good — that you will henceforth stop sending me your requests for spicy zero-calorie gulab jamuns!

And, I sincerely hope — of course, for your own good — that you read my blog posts:
- Key personal finance queries, answered without fear or favour (Part 1)
- Key personal finance queries, answered without fear or favour (Part 2)

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